Hajime x Tooru: a tale of the two
by Ichikawa Akine
Summary: How can you start over when you don't know where to begin? A story of a boy with a glass heart and a boy with a heart held together by band-aids. (Also published under IchikawaAkine on Wattpad and Shinsekai on Quotev)


When Hajime's parents disappeared, he didn't cry. It's not that he wasn't sad, or that he was holding it in, he just didn't feel the need to. After all, he hasn't cried ever in his life.

Life seemed to weigh down on him, and but he still somehow was able to continue holding it up above his head. But when his mother and his father were no longer there for him, when he ceased to know whether they were alive or dead, he held up that weight just barely. He kept going, even though he was void of genuine sadness, happiness, loneliness, or any will to live.

Well, he's not really an empty shell, but not exactly full, either.

Despite the fact he couldn't look forward, he didn't dwell in the past, either. He didn't look up or to the side, he looked down.

But when it really came to it, he was a nice person. He understood others' emotions, and knew how to act in the worst of times. Something was lacking though, he felt.

Then, there was Tooru, who lived a pretty nice life. First-world problems would get him down easily, and he got depressed easily. Say he got a low test grade. There would have to be something, or _someone_ , to pick him up.

He's the type to fall hard when in love.

Actually, they both are.

All humans are driven by fear and hatred. At least, that's what Hajime believed. When his parents disappeared, they were driven by fear. He doesn't know what they feared, but he knew it was sure something.

And when he sees others, it's obvious there's motive for everything. Why do people get bullied? Why do people bully others? It's hatred, obviously.

As a kid, he's always been told that the bullies need just as much help as the victim, because bullying might be their way of coping. That there must be some internal conflict for them. But in reality, all that is way too idealistic.

The world is driven by hate and fear.

While exploring in the woods, the place he spends the majority of his time in, for an escape from reality. After all, it's not like he had a home to return to. His parents were no longer present, and he'd rather do anything than to eat his dinner alone.

Sometimes, he wished that he weren't old enough to live alone, and that his parents disappeared when he was at a younger age. Then he wouldn't have to spend his days in an inexplicable anguish.

 _Why is death seen as an escape to some people? Why is it often believed that dying is painless, like falling asleep?_ Hajime wasn't exactly scared of death, but he definitely doesn't welcome it, either. Death is definitely painful. It's definitely something that he doesn't want to face now.

 _Well, death isn't an escape, but pain is._

It's hard to believe that this kid can "smile" and keep going, eh?

Somehow, in the midst of his thoughts, he is distracted when he bumps into something warm.

Right in front of him all of a sudden is a boy around his age with a tragic look on his face. He looks lost and alone.

In his hand was a math test that had a 58 written in thick, red marker.

Because of this, Hajime assumed that there would be big trouble with his parents, and a lecture wouldn't be the only he'd get.

Just like that, he appeared at the sad-looking boy's side, rubbing his back as he sniffled.

But not long after, a big smile appeared on the boy's face as he gave Hajime a crushing squeeze.

 _What's with this kid? Wasn't he sad?_

 _Oikawa Tooru._

Somehow, that name was screaming at Hajime. He didn't know where it came from, but it matched the boy's face.

 _Tooru, huh? Tooru..._

As he thought this, the boy nodded.

 _He could hear... me...?_

There's something about this boy that Hajime couldn't ignore, but he didn't know what it was. As the boy smiled at him, Hajime examined him head to toe with a blank expression.

Hajime opened his mouth to talk, but the boy, _Tooru,_ just shook his head.

 _What's with him? I can't communicate with him at all._

Then, Hajime gesticulated for Tooru to follow him. Inviting the boy to his house was not his original intention, but it happened, somehow.

It's been a few days since Hajime last ate, and he hasn't felt hungry until he heard Tooru's stomach grumble loudly.

He then rolled his eyes, feeling a compulsion to give this kid food, and sighed as walking toward the kitchen, as if saying, "Fine, I'll make something for you, so sit tight."

The boy jumped up and down, and had a big smile on his face. It's hard to believe that this person is his age, and not six years old, with how he acts.

Their dinner ended up being udon, and Hajime layed out two futon, expecting Tooru to stay, as the boy stayed for everything else, even as Hajime watched TV, played games, took a nap on the couch, and drew for fun.

There was his homework lying in the corner of the room that he never would get around to doing, because it's not like he had parent to force him to go to school. Skipping classes is normal for him.

But he loved most of the subjects- Math, which was something that came out with a definite answer, and makes him somehow feel less lonely, literature, which allows him to escape his current reality, history and social studies, which allowed him to learn about lives that are not his own.

The only thing he hates with a passion is science. Specifically astrology. Others find it fascinating, for it is an infinite void that human still have yet to learn everything about. It just makes Hajime feel sick to think about a world far away from where he is, and makes him feel more alone that ever. That's why he tries to rarely think about it, but fails to. He finds himself thinking about it a lot while lying awake in bed. He just can't let it go.

He and Tooru go to bed, and Hajime catches himself happy when Tooru's body clung to his. He smiles, but genuinely this time, and experiences a felicity he hasn't felt in a long time. He wishes this would last forever. For the first time, he feels like crying. Happiness would be an understatement.

He seldom felt such a feeling- this was a very special feeling that Tooru helped him discover. It's like he was under a spell. For the first time, he was able to fall asleep happily.

As much as he wanted that happiness to last, Oikawa Tooru was gone by morning, and only then did he realize that he didn't tell the boy his own name.

 _Oh, Tooru, why did you leave me? For the first time I didn't feel lonely when I was with you._

Once again, Iwaizumi Hajime found himself alone.

Because of this, he cried.

And he cried.

And he cried.

For the first time, he cried without restraint.

For the first time, he felt allowed to feel that overbearing sadness.

He cried for Tooru, he cried for his parents, he cried for all these years spent alone.

He didn't realize just how much pain he felt up until now.

However, no matter how much he wanted to die, he'll keep walking.

Even if he's alone, he'll keep walking.

Even if it's painful, he won't stop.

It's so dark, not even his shadow is accompanying him.

Time keeps going, and people keep carrying on, without know the state Hajime's in.

But he'll keep going, because he hears your voice telling him to keep going.

Although, he's never heard his voice.

 _Tooru. What do you sound like? I still don't really know you._

 _You're still a stranger._

But even so, he just keep going on. Even though they're gone, even though there's no one that truly understands him, he'll bare with it.

It's Hajime, after all.

But what will happen when he can no longer take it? When it overflows?

Maybe Tooru will come once more.

I wonder,

What will happen?

In the end, who was the one with the shattered heart, and who was the one with the heart held together by band-aids?


End file.
